Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Living Together, Yes, Shacking Up

Some people are for living together when you are not married, some are against it. I am against it, but I will lay out the pros and cons of both.

Pros For Living Together
More Time Together
The obvious pro for living together is that you will see more of each other. You will sleep in the same bed, spend more alone time, and not worrying about when you have to get up and leave. You will also know when the person is at work, when they are at the store, on their way home etc. Not only will you spend more time together, you will know and have a good idea when they will be coming home.

Shared Help
Living together will allow you to share the living expenses or reduce your living expenses dramatically. Some females may want to move in with their man because he is paying all the bills at his place, so if she moves in, she can save all her money that she makes from work. When money is tight as it is these days, this may be a good solution for someone. You also have the shared responsibilities of house work. This comes to keeping the house clean, washing dishes, washing clothes, cooking, or anything else you may need help. Having someone else around to help out is a great benefit.

Test It Out
When you are living together, you can "test out" how things would be when you are married. You know if this person snores, if they are messy, and other living habits they may have. You can make a determination if this is someone you can see living the rest of your life with.

Cons of Living Together
A True Commitment
You may be locked into staying with this person longer than you may want to. If you sign a lease, you have to be there or obligated to that place for at least a year. If anything happens during that year, do you have someone else you can stay for free or pay the early "break-lease" penalty? What if the water, electric, gas, internet, or telephone bill is in your name? When you leave, the other person can run up the bill and not pay it, but your name is on the account, so you are responsible. Something to think about. If you ever watch the "Judge Shows" then you will see how many lovers or roommates are fighting over who is suppose to pay the bills, its serious.

Too Much Time Together
Maybe you enjoyed having you own space and didn't know it. Are you really ready to see this person every day. When you go to work, they are there, when you come home from work, they are right there. Are you ready for that? It may be good at first, but sometimes you may want your own space. Telling the other person that you want your own space.

Argument! Now Where Do I Go?
Now that you live together, when you get into an argument, you can't really get away from the other person. If you do leave the house, that could cause another argument: "where are you going?" "Who were you with?!" and we don't want more drama. Also, when you live with someone, a small argument can go on for days if the issue is not resolved immediately. The small argument grows and now you are breaking up, if you were living separate, a few days apart would of saved the relationship.

Unexpected Living Arrangements
You may not be use to sleeping with your lover, they may sleep wild, snore, or want sex every night and you may not be up to that. There are things that come up when you live with someone that you don't see or deal with because you live apart. You may be expected to cook every night or expect the other person to cook every night and it may not happen. Now that you live with this person, you see that they are really a messy person or really a neat freak and it drives you crazy. Now that you live with this person, you really see their buy and spending habits and it makes you mad.


Why Get Married Now?
If your goal is to get married, then do not live with the other person. Have you ever heard the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Why would this person marry you when you are living as if you are married? What is the benefit or the new life being married when you are living together? None. The only difference is that you will have a ring (maybe) and a piece of paper that says you are married. I hear so many stories from women who want to be married, but have been living with their boyfriend for the last 5 or 6 years. I even hear about people buying a house together, but not get married. I find that fascinating. Most home mortgages are 15 or 30 years, the average marriage doesn't make past 4 years. So, for a person to be against commitment and not get married, but signs a mortgage with someone who is not their spouse, they just took on a larger commitment than marriage.

So, what are you going to do? What do you think the pros and cons are to you? Are you going to shack up or hold out? To each his own... Peace

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