Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Can Friends with Benefits Really Work?

It seems like no one is being faithful these days. Some people want to be intimate or have sex, but don’t want the headache that comes along with a relationship. My question is, when a sexual relationship is developed, can it stay on the sex only tip or will someone want to be in a commitment?

Everything starts out fine right? Both parties are attracted to each other sexually and they know what the boundaries are with the relationship. They enjoy the time they spend together and its all good.

The problem occurs when there is an imbalance in the relationship. What could cause this imbalance? One person may want to have sex more often. One person may feel that someone else is getting their “sex” time. There could be some jealousy. What if one of the partners gets into a relationship or start dating someone?
A little scenario for you: A couple meet through twitter, they hit it off well, neither one of them want a headache of a relationship because they both recently got out of a very bad one. BUT they both have “human” needs (aka need sex, feel lonely or horny), so they decide that they will start this “win-win” relationship and be together strictly for sex.

At first, the relationship starts off great. They see each other a few times a week. Sometimes the lady calls the guy and sometimes the guy calls the lady, they both know each other’s schedules, and they hook up as often as they can. One night, the lady calls the guy and he is not available. He is out of town for work, so he was not able to satisfy is friend or his end of the agreement. Once he gets back into town, they are able to hook up again. Now, the guy’s company has been sending him out of town once a month which causes him to miss a day of fun with his friend.

As time goes on, the guy sees that he could be in a real relationship with the lady. They do not talk too much, just a few times a week for a few minutes. But they have great communication, she is always really nice to him and he enjoys the time they spend together, even after the sex. He finds himself, after sex, laying in the bed with her watching TV and not really wanting to leave.

On the other hand, the lady is disappointed because she is not getting enough sex as often as she would like it. She has stopped calling her sex partner out of frustration and to prevent being “let down” when he tells her that he is out of town. She likes the idea of the sex partner, but now that she isn’t getting it as often as she would like, she feels that she doesn’t want to be tied down to one person, even if it is a sexual thing.

The guy starts to notice that he is the only one calling to set up “sex time” and that she has become more unavailable than usual. Finally he is able to talk to her and tells her how he feels “If things were a bit different, I could see myself with you in a relationship. But right now, it seems like you really don’t want to be bothered with me anymore.” She agrees that he too is a nice guy that she could see herself with. She explains that she has been distant for more personal reasons and nothing to do with him. Now they are in a full discussion about…. “Their relationship.” Even though it is sexual, it is still a relationship. They got into this agreement because they didn’t want to have to deal with questions and talking about feelings, but look what it evolved into.

So, I say it again, “Can friend with benefits relationships really work?”

No comments:

Post a Comment