Everyone has to pay rent or mortgage, if you are out on your own.
So, I am thinking about things that I have heard, witnessed, or experienced. This blog is not just about rent, but it is about Money and relationships. Often times, women have male friends who are good friends, but they do not have a physical attraction to that person. The male friend, would like to be in a romatic relationship, but knows that the woman isn't feeling them in that way.
So, the female gets in a bind, needs help with rent, car note, groceries, gas, water bill, electric bill, or any other bill... cell phone bill... lol. She talks to her male "friend" and he says "hey, I know you need help, I am going to give you $200, don't worry about it, you are my friend and I got you."
Seems sorta innocent right? In some cases it maybe. I think in about 1% of the cases, this may be true. In the other 99% of the cases, the male friend is keeping a record of how and when he has helped you. Not only that, he is hoping and praying, that you will "look" at him a little differently. He is looking for anyway to "break" into your heart or maybe just your panties.
So many times I have heard women say "he paid my rent, then he got all brand new, tried to have sex with me," or "now, he talks to me 'any ol'kinda way, cus he knows that I need him to pay my cell phone every month," or "he uses the fact that he has helped me out against me, throws it up in my face."
It is a power thing. It is crazy and I do not operate this way, but I know how men think. Why do you think he is being extra nice to you? Let you borrow his car, put a down payment on your car, paid your cell phone bill.
I had a friend recently tell me that she got her car towed. She called an old "friend," he was much older than her in age, always taking her and her friends out to eat, always saying "if you ever need anything just ask." So, when he got the car out of the impound, she was greatful. He made several sexual advances, when she said "no," he demanded all of his money back.
Let me say this and make this clear. No matter what the reason is or what the man says, he is expecting that his money is an investment to get into a relationship, romantic or just sexual. It's just that simple.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
When Is Age More than A Number?
Everyone heard the phrase "Age ain't nothing but a number?" But when does it become a factor? 10, 15, 20, 30 years in an age difference? When is the cut off point?
This question is probably relative, 10 years is not a big deal if the ages are 40 and 50. But if the ages are 10 and 20, yeah, that is a big deal... lol and kinda sick too!
So, what are the cut off limits? Is it that simple? Is it a sliding scale or just what feels right? If I am 28 and dating an 18 year old, we are at different points in our life, what do we have in common right? She just graduated high school and I am well into my career, with a house and she has never moved out on her own yet.
Some people mature quicker than others and there are a lot of other factors that come into play too, but what are they too you?
I know that 18 is legal, but I really don't see why I would talk to an 18 year old in a romantic way, I would be as a brother or just someone trying to help them along the way, not join them with my journey.
Is age a sole reason to NOT talk or date someone?
This question is probably relative, 10 years is not a big deal if the ages are 40 and 50. But if the ages are 10 and 20, yeah, that is a big deal... lol and kinda sick too!
So, what are the cut off limits? Is it that simple? Is it a sliding scale or just what feels right? If I am 28 and dating an 18 year old, we are at different points in our life, what do we have in common right? She just graduated high school and I am well into my career, with a house and she has never moved out on her own yet.
Some people mature quicker than others and there are a lot of other factors that come into play too, but what are they too you?
I know that 18 is legal, but I really don't see why I would talk to an 18 year old in a romantic way, I would be as a brother or just someone trying to help them along the way, not join them with my journey.
Is age a sole reason to NOT talk or date someone?
Kiss Me Already
Kiss Me Already
When dating, how soon is too soon for the first kiss?
You want the other person to like you, you like them, but you don't want to come off too "fresh." Do you care what they say and go for the kiss and hopefully they feel the same way and you have a connection?
Some people say, "no, not on the first date, maybe a small kiss on the 2nd or 3rd date." But where do these "rules" come from? I've been in situations where I kissed someone on the first date and it went well and some that it went bad. The worse is leaning in for the kiss only to be turned away. I've been in a relationship where we moved slow to play it safe and guess what? We both found out that we were moving too slow and neither of us liked the pace, but kept going because we really liked the other person and didn't want to ruin it.
I say, go with your heart. If it feels right, go with it. The worse thing that can happen is that i doesn't work out and you are in the same spot you started in OR things go great and you are happier than ever.
So, do you have "rules" - not on the first date? Kisses only after dates 4 or 5, no entry into my home until dates 6 or 7, can't meet the family until 4 months, etc. How soon is too soon for any of this stuff?
Relationship Killer
The female in the relationship feels that she is not getting enough attention. The male in the relationship is tired of his lady talking and texting on the phone all the time.... but no body says anything. Then, the lady not getting enough attention, goes out and find someone else to give it to her. The man who is not getting attention, he gets it as well.
So, You read his facebook status, tweet and assumed that he was talking about you or your relationship. Really, he was just speaking of past relationships OR talking about what was going on with one of his friends. BUT you ASSUME that it was relating to YOU without asking about it.
So, she hasn't called you in a few days. You have not taken the initiative to call her either, or maybe you were just busy. Now a week has gone by and she has not reached out to you at all. You assume she is no longer interested with your relationship, so you move on. A week later, you find out that she was in the hospital, phone cut off, or something else going on that prevented her from calling you. Communication. Maybe she was thinking that you were not interested because you were not calling either... Communication.
When you are learning someone you, you have to communicate, there are things that you may not know about this person until certain events arise. PLEASE, open your mouth and get clarity. Do NOT ASSUME anything.
Communication Kills Relationships
Single By Choice
Isn't everyone single by choice? Well, I mean single as in not in a relationship. There is truly someone for everyone. What ever you don't like about your face, body, or personality, there is someone out there who is in love with it.
It is so interesting, I never thought of it before. But I've heard it said and seen it on people's pages "Single by Choice." Unless you are The Hunch Back of Notre Dame or the guy from Goonies, there is someone for you... hey, even if you did look like the previously mentioned people, you probably would still get holla if you had a big BUTT! LOL.
Single simply means Not married. So, if you are in a relationship with someone, 1 month or 10 years and you are not married, then you are single. So, unless we are married, we are all single. So, are people saying that they are not Married because they don't want to be married? Isn't that every woman's dream? To find the man from the Old Spice commercial, get married, buy a home and fill it up with a family?
My sister tells me about people she knows who can't "find" a man or get the man they are with to marry them. Here's a clue: if you are living with the man, what is the incentive for him to get married to you?
I guess the only people who are NOT single by choice are those individuals who are in a relationship, they want to get married and their significant other doesn't want to commit. I would never live with someone who I was not Married to. I would never move to another city to be with someone who I was not married to.
It is so interesting, I never thought of it before. But I've heard it said and seen it on people's pages "Single by Choice." Unless you are The Hunch Back of Notre Dame or the guy from Goonies, there is someone for you... hey, even if you did look like the previously mentioned people, you probably would still get holla if you had a big BUTT! LOL.
Single simply means Not married. So, if you are in a relationship with someone, 1 month or 10 years and you are not married, then you are single. So, unless we are married, we are all single. So, are people saying that they are not Married because they don't want to be married? Isn't that every woman's dream? To find the man from the Old Spice commercial, get married, buy a home and fill it up with a family?
My sister tells me about people she knows who can't "find" a man or get the man they are with to marry them. Here's a clue: if you are living with the man, what is the incentive for him to get married to you?
I guess the only people who are NOT single by choice are those individuals who are in a relationship, they want to get married and their significant other doesn't want to commit. I would never live with someone who I was not Married to. I would never move to another city to be with someone who I was not married to.
Living Together, Yes, Shacking Up
Some people are for living together when you are not married, some are against it. I am against it, but I will lay out the pros and cons of both.
Pros For Living Together
More Time Together
The obvious pro for living together is that you will see more of each other. You will sleep in the same bed, spend more alone time, and not worrying about when you have to get up and leave. You will also know when the person is at work, when they are at the store, on their way home etc. Not only will you spend more time together, you will know and have a good idea when they will be coming home.
Shared Help
Living together will allow you to share the living expenses or reduce your living expenses dramatically. Some females may want to move in with their man because he is paying all the bills at his place, so if she moves in, she can save all her money that she makes from work. When money is tight as it is these days, this may be a good solution for someone. You also have the shared responsibilities of house work. This comes to keeping the house clean, washing dishes, washing clothes, cooking, or anything else you may need help. Having someone else around to help out is a great benefit.
Test It Out
When you are living together, you can "test out" how things would be when you are married. You know if this person snores, if they are messy, and other living habits they may have. You can make a determination if this is someone you can see living the rest of your life with.
Cons of Living Together
A True Commitment
You may be locked into staying with this person longer than you may want to. If you sign a lease, you have to be there or obligated to that place for at least a year. If anything happens during that year, do you have someone else you can stay for free or pay the early "break-lease" penalty? What if the water, electric, gas, internet, or telephone bill is in your name? When you leave, the other person can run up the bill and not pay it, but your name is on the account, so you are responsible. Something to think about. If you ever watch the "Judge Shows" then you will see how many lovers or roommates are fighting over who is suppose to pay the bills, its serious.
Too Much Time Together
Maybe you enjoyed having you own space and didn't know it. Are you really ready to see this person every day. When you go to work, they are there, when you come home from work, they are right there. Are you ready for that? It may be good at first, but sometimes you may want your own space. Telling the other person that you want your own space.
Argument! Now Where Do I Go?
Now that you live together, when you get into an argument, you can't really get away from the other person. If you do leave the house, that could cause another argument: "where are you going?" "Who were you with?!" and we don't want more drama. Also, when you live with someone, a small argument can go on for days if the issue is not resolved immediately. The small argument grows and now you are breaking up, if you were living separate, a few days apart would of saved the relationship.
Unexpected Living Arrangements
You may not be use to sleeping with your lover, they may sleep wild, snore, or want sex every night and you may not be up to that. There are things that come up when you live with someone that you don't see or deal with because you live apart. You may be expected to cook every night or expect the other person to cook every night and it may not happen. Now that you live with this person, you see that they are really a messy person or really a neat freak and it drives you crazy. Now that you live with this person, you really see their buy and spending habits and it makes you mad.
Why Get Married Now?
If your goal is to get married, then do not live with the other person. Have you ever heard the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Why would this person marry you when you are living as if you are married? What is the benefit or the new life being married when you are living together? None. The only difference is that you will have a ring (maybe) and a piece of paper that says you are married. I hear so many stories from women who want to be married, but have been living with their boyfriend for the last 5 or 6 years. I even hear about people buying a house together, but not get married. I find that fascinating. Most home mortgages are 15 or 30 years, the average marriage doesn't make past 4 years. So, for a person to be against commitment and not get married, but signs a mortgage with someone who is not their spouse, they just took on a larger commitment than marriage.
So, what are you going to do? What do you think the pros and cons are to you? Are you going to shack up or hold out? To each his own... Peace
Pros For Living Together
More Time Together
The obvious pro for living together is that you will see more of each other. You will sleep in the same bed, spend more alone time, and not worrying about when you have to get up and leave. You will also know when the person is at work, when they are at the store, on their way home etc. Not only will you spend more time together, you will know and have a good idea when they will be coming home.
Shared Help
Living together will allow you to share the living expenses or reduce your living expenses dramatically. Some females may want to move in with their man because he is paying all the bills at his place, so if she moves in, she can save all her money that she makes from work. When money is tight as it is these days, this may be a good solution for someone. You also have the shared responsibilities of house work. This comes to keeping the house clean, washing dishes, washing clothes, cooking, or anything else you may need help. Having someone else around to help out is a great benefit.
Test It Out
When you are living together, you can "test out" how things would be when you are married. You know if this person snores, if they are messy, and other living habits they may have. You can make a determination if this is someone you can see living the rest of your life with.
Cons of Living Together
A True Commitment
You may be locked into staying with this person longer than you may want to. If you sign a lease, you have to be there or obligated to that place for at least a year. If anything happens during that year, do you have someone else you can stay for free or pay the early "break-lease" penalty? What if the water, electric, gas, internet, or telephone bill is in your name? When you leave, the other person can run up the bill and not pay it, but your name is on the account, so you are responsible. Something to think about. If you ever watch the "Judge Shows" then you will see how many lovers or roommates are fighting over who is suppose to pay the bills, its serious.
Too Much Time Together
Maybe you enjoyed having you own space and didn't know it. Are you really ready to see this person every day. When you go to work, they are there, when you come home from work, they are right there. Are you ready for that? It may be good at first, but sometimes you may want your own space. Telling the other person that you want your own space.
Argument! Now Where Do I Go?
Now that you live together, when you get into an argument, you can't really get away from the other person. If you do leave the house, that could cause another argument: "where are you going?" "Who were you with?!" and we don't want more drama. Also, when you live with someone, a small argument can go on for days if the issue is not resolved immediately. The small argument grows and now you are breaking up, if you were living separate, a few days apart would of saved the relationship.
Unexpected Living Arrangements
You may not be use to sleeping with your lover, they may sleep wild, snore, or want sex every night and you may not be up to that. There are things that come up when you live with someone that you don't see or deal with because you live apart. You may be expected to cook every night or expect the other person to cook every night and it may not happen. Now that you live with this person, you see that they are really a messy person or really a neat freak and it drives you crazy. Now that you live with this person, you really see their buy and spending habits and it makes you mad.
Why Get Married Now?
If your goal is to get married, then do not live with the other person. Have you ever heard the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Why would this person marry you when you are living as if you are married? What is the benefit or the new life being married when you are living together? None. The only difference is that you will have a ring (maybe) and a piece of paper that says you are married. I hear so many stories from women who want to be married, but have been living with their boyfriend for the last 5 or 6 years. I even hear about people buying a house together, but not get married. I find that fascinating. Most home mortgages are 15 or 30 years, the average marriage doesn't make past 4 years. So, for a person to be against commitment and not get married, but signs a mortgage with someone who is not their spouse, they just took on a larger commitment than marriage.
So, what are you going to do? What do you think the pros and cons are to you? Are you going to shack up or hold out? To each his own... Peace
Can Friends with Benefits Really Work?
Everything starts out fine right? Both parties are attracted to each other sexually and they know what the boundaries are with the relationship. They enjoy the time they spend together and its all good.
The problem occurs when there is an imbalance in the relationship. What could cause this imbalance? One person may want to have sex more often. One person may feel that someone else is getting their “sex” time. There could be some jealousy. What if one of the partners gets into a relationship or start dating someone?
A little scenario for you: A couple meet through twitter, they hit it off well, neither one of them want a headache of a relationship because they both recently got out of a very bad one. BUT they both have “human” needs (aka need sex, feel lonely or horny), so they decide that they will start this “win-win” relationship and be together strictly for sex.
At first, the relationship starts off great. They see each other a few times a week. Sometimes the lady calls the guy and sometimes the guy calls the lady, they both know each other’s schedules, and they hook up as often as they can. One night, the lady calls the guy and he is not available. He is out of town for work, so he was not able to satisfy is friend or his end of the agreement. Once he gets back into town, they are able to hook up again. Now, the guy’s company has been sending him out of town once a month which causes him to miss a day of fun with his friend.
As time goes on, the guy sees that he could be in a real relationship with the lady. They do not talk too much, just a few times a week for a few minutes. But they have great communication, she is always really nice to him and he enjoys the time they spend together, even after the sex. He finds himself, after sex, laying in the bed with her watching TV and not really wanting to leave.
On the other hand, the lady is disappointed because she is not getting enough sex as often as she would like it. She has stopped calling her sex partner out of frustration and to prevent being “let down” when he tells her that he is out of town. She likes the idea of the sex partner, but now that she isn’t getting it as often as she would like, she feels that she doesn’t want to be tied down to one person, even if it is a sexual thing.
The guy starts to notice that he is the only one calling to set up “sex time” and that she has become more unavailable than usual. Finally he is able to talk to her and tells her how he feels “If things were a bit different, I could see myself with you in a relationship. But right now, it seems like you really don’t want to be bothered with me anymore.” She agrees that he too is a nice guy that she could see herself with. She explains that she has been distant for more personal reasons and nothing to do with him. Now they are in a full discussion about…. “Their relationship.” Even though it is sexual, it is still a relationship. They got into this agreement because they didn’t want to have to deal with questions and talking about feelings, but look what it evolved into.
So, I say it again, “Can friend with benefits relationships really work?”
Let's Watch a Movie at My Place
Let’s Watch a Movie at my place
I hate to do this to you men out there, but I am going to spill the beans. Yes, the whole “just come through and watch a movie” deal. We all know what it is. I may not actually be telling a secret. I was talking to a female friend and she had no idea what I was talking about.
Ladies, if you are not hip to it, this is the number 1 way guys try to get into those panties. Hey, hey might even say, “I will cook for you” to make it seem so much better. I know what you thinking… “Girl, he said he was gonna cook for me! A man that can cook, I am in heaven.” Its all a trick baby doll. Movie comes on and your panties come off, its that simple.
I hate to do this to you men out there, but I am going to spill the beans. Yes, the whole “just come through and watch a movie” deal. We all know what it is. I may not actually be telling a secret. I was talking to a female friend and she had no idea what I was talking about.
But maybe I am wrong, maybe women know the game and just play along with it so that they don’t come off as being easy or eager. I am not sure. Only females can tell me that one. So, ladies, what is it? So, with all that said, “can you come over and watch a movie with me? I’ll cook you a good meal.”
How To Keep Your Man Happy
I will say this, this will be applicable to all men and to all situations. When you first meet someone and you do certain things to get their attention. It may be the sexy clothes you wore, may have been the comments you said, it may be because you were so flirty, but bottom line is, you did something to get the attention of your soon to be man.
This is the key ladies, so listen up. WHAT EVER YOU DID TO GET YOUR MAN, YOU WILL HAVE TO DO TO KEEP YOUR MAN! And it really is that simple. If you can’t continually do the same thing, then don’t start. For example, have you went out with a guy, on the first date, he opens doors, let’s you go first, pulls out your seat for you, etc. Then by the 10 date, he is comfortable, he lets you get your own door and now you may be even paying for the meal? How do you feel about that? Different right? You don’t feel as special anymore and the love starts to fade a bit. Your actions are the same way.
So, if you always wear sexy clothes, you give your man head every day, when he come over you jump into his arms or kiss him, you compliment him on his shoes, etc. You have to keep that going. He is around you because of the way you make him feel and vice versa. So, when you stop doing those “special” things that he likes, he is going to lose interest. Makes sense, really simple, but most people still don’t get it. What happens is this, people get comfortable, the relationship is NOT new anymore, so they stop doing the special things. It is not because they do not like the person anymore, but they feel like they have “won” that person over, so they don’t have to “try” to “win” them anymore.
Have you noticed that, as soon as you say “we are a couple” the other person or maybe even you, have this attitude of “that is my baby, they ain’t going no where.” And you put your guard down. Guess what? When you get relaxed and stop doing all that nice stuff for them, the next person (man or woman) is going to provide to your lover what you stopped doing and that is going to get their attention. So, how do you prevent this? Pay attention to what you did to get them to like you in the first place, make sure you give them that attention on a continual basis and never stop. So that it doesn’t get boring, you may need to spice it up a bit, but never quit.
In reality, a man wants a woman who will support him in his dreams and goals – give him encouragement, love him no matter what – even when he fails, compliment him on how strong or manly he is, let him have peace and quiet some times when he is watching sports or playing video games, a woman who can cook him a good meal – especially his favorite foods, and someone who will give him the love, affection and attention he desires on a daily basis (this is different for each man).Relationships – friends with benefits – does that really work?
Love, Lust or Just Horny?
Let's take a closer look at these 3 words, the definitions are below:
Love - attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
Lust - Intense sexual desire
Horny - Desiring sexual gratification, excited sexually
I know what you are thinking, I am such a nerd right? LOL
Knowing these terms, do you actually love the person you are in a relationship with or just lust after them? Some people stay in horrible relationships and the excuse is "But I love him!" Is it really love? And if it is love, the definition of love is attraction based on sexual desires. So, he beats you, calls you out of your name, etc. but because you want him so bad sexually, you stay in the bad relationship?
I think that most cases it is even LUST. I think some people are so attracted to each other sexually, that it is really intense and they LOVE that feeling and they are with this person just for that reason. Not because he would be a good father, he treats you good, has a good job, makes you laugh, etc. but only because the Sex and the feeling of LUST is why you stay together. Then we wonder why things didn't work out in the end.
Being Horny is a selfish term. The definition implies that the individual wants sexual gratification, they want to climax and the means to achieve this is by any means necessary and selfish. When you are horny, you are only concerned with "getting yours," and not concerned with pleasing the other person.
Realistically, I think Love is when you actually care about pleasing the other person and with that, you are pleased in the end. Lust is a strong desire for that specific person sexually. And Horniness is all about just having an orgasm so that you feel good.
So, when you are having "certain" feelings for someone, it is important to know, "is it love, lust or am I just horny!?!?!"
Just Friends
Before I was married, I was dating a female and she told me that she was “just friends” with her ex-boyfriend. Maybe if they were 10 years removed.. well, even then, I wouldn’t buy it. How can you go from being in a romantic sexual relationship with someone, to “just friends.”
Maybe women have different feelings than men, I don’t know. But with men, if you ever cross the line and have sex, he is thinking “if I had the opportunity, I would do it again.”
So, no matter what he says about being “just friends,” let your guard down and kiss him and see if he don’t jump all over you trying to get into your pants. You already crossed that path before, so why not do it again, it should be easier this time.
So, someone tells me “me and this guy I know are just friends.” When I heard that, I was like “okay, it is possible.” Then she said “we did have sex, but we are just friends.” Hold up, rewind that back about 10 seconds and say that again! Let me say this and please listen closely: once you have sex with your friend, you are no longer in a friendship, you are in a sexual relationship, even if you have no intensions on becoming a couple. You talk on the phone, text, have lunch together, hang out occasionally, no physical attraction on either side… then you are “just friends.” If you happen to have sex with someone who you really weren’t dating, i.e. co-worker, your friend’s cousin, etc. then you are in a “sexual relationship” with them. Please do not confuse the 2. AND, if you have sex with someone and you want it go to back to “normal,” it never does permanently.
If you have successfully had sex with your “friend” and NEVER had sex or kissed him after that day, AND he hasn’t tried to have sex with you again or begged to be with you and you are just “friends” now, then let me know. I don’t know if that exists.
I Don't Trust You
I don’t trust you
Ok, its Friday night, you are getting ready to go out with your significant other. You are getting ready and you get a phone call "Babe, I can't make it tonight, working late" Or "something else came up that I need to take care of."
Or maybe you and your boo just finished making love. It's 3am, you are in the bathroom freshening up and you swear you here is phone ring. You listen and you here him texting, pushing the buttons. But when you walk in the bedroom he appears to be sleep. So, you ask him, "did you phone ring?" and he replies "no, babe, come back to bed."
Maybe its Saturday afternoon, you two are talking and laughing, nothing serious, just having good convo. His phone rings, he looks down at it, answers, and walks outside or to another room to finish his conversation. You try to listen in, but you can't tell if it is a business call or personal.
So, is there any point when it is okay to check your Man's cell phone for phone numbers, texts, or pictures? When does trust become insecurity? Does your man have to do anything at all? Do you think you could look through his phone, would he let you? What are the boundaries?
So, your man says that he is going to have drinks at Friday's with the fellas. Your girlfriend calls you up and says, "let's have a girl's night out." You are going to a bar, hey, its right next door to Fridays that your man is suppose to be at, but you don't see his car, but you see two of his friends' cars in the parking lot, do you go and investigate?
We all know that their are warning signs to a cheater, but some of those signs may be misleading and not true. Sometimes you might think your man is cheating and it is not the case. How do you know for sure without ruining the trust and to protect your heart?
Ok, its Friday night, you are getting ready to go out with your significant other. You are getting ready and you get a phone call "Babe, I can't make it tonight, working late" Or "something else came up that I need to take care of."
Or maybe you and your boo just finished making love. It's 3am, you are in the bathroom freshening up and you swear you here is phone ring. You listen and you here him texting, pushing the buttons. But when you walk in the bedroom he appears to be sleep. So, you ask him, "did you phone ring?" and he replies "no, babe, come back to bed."
Maybe its Saturday afternoon, you two are talking and laughing, nothing serious, just having good convo. His phone rings, he looks down at it, answers, and walks outside or to another room to finish his conversation. You try to listen in, but you can't tell if it is a business call or personal.
So, is there any point when it is okay to check your Man's cell phone for phone numbers, texts, or pictures? When does trust become insecurity? Does your man have to do anything at all? Do you think you could look through his phone, would he let you? What are the boundaries?
So, your man says that he is going to have drinks at Friday's with the fellas. Your girlfriend calls you up and says, "let's have a girl's night out." You are going to a bar, hey, its right next door to Fridays that your man is suppose to be at, but you don't see his car, but you see two of his friends' cars in the parking lot, do you go and investigate?
We all know that their are warning signs to a cheater, but some of those signs may be misleading and not true. Sometimes you might think your man is cheating and it is not the case. How do you know for sure without ruining the trust and to protect your heart?
Too Thirsty
"I keep my (opinions) generic and these (people) take it personally" - Drake
I have heard first hand, second hand and sometimes third hand (just kidding, not sure what that would be... lol), women talk about the dating situation in Atlanta and how frustrating it can be. I have met a lady who said that she wants to be married so bad that she actually wears a ring on her ring finger! I am not sure that is going to attract a man, but you never know.
I understand that people get lonely, I am in the same boat, I would like that special someone to have in my corner. I guess it's all about how you go about finding and being with that person. The days of old are gone. There use to be a time when men approached a woman whom he had interest and ask her out. If the woman liked a man, she would give subtle hints and flirt to let the man know she was interested in him. If he never asked her out, then he wasn't interested.
I LOVE an aggressive female, I do, but there are limits and boundaries to everything. Some women can be pushy. If you let it be know that you are interested in a man and you want to spend time with him, then that is all you have to do. If he decides that he doesn't want to see you this week, its not because he is NOT interested. You don't have to keep reminding him that you want to see him, he already knows that, you told him 5 times already. He heard you twice the first time... lol.
It is a HUGE turnoff when a woman is begging for attention. I have read female's pages on BP and they talk about men getting an attitude because they don't respond to the note OR men giving them their phone number before they have even had a conversation on BP. I was like, "why are they upset? What's the big deal?" Let's just say, I know exactly what they are talking about.
Before you go there let me say this: I feel confident that I am a decent looking man, when my teeth and hair are brushed, I have lotion on, and my clothes are ironed, I don't look half bad... lol. I do not think that I am "all that" or God's Gift to women, or Mr. Right. I do not think I am Ugly either. So, I don't think that I am all that.
This is all a "game." I do not want to Play the dating game, but if you are dating, I guess you are playing.
I recently discovered that I really don't enjoy talking on the phone that much, I'd rather text you. Maybe I am not ready for this whole dating thing. There are too many expectations associated with dating. Expected to call, text, or see each other daily. Expected to go on a date weekly. If you don't call or text then its like "oh, you don't like me?" No, not at all, maybe I was in a bad mood and didn't want to talk to anyone today? Maybe I'm stressing out and just need some "alone" time? But the bottom line, there is an expectation that is set and when you don't live up to it, the other person feels like you are not interested or not serious.
Take your time, do not rush, get to know people for who they are, understand their lifestyle and determine if it is a good fit with yours. Don't just be "Thirsty" for any relationship or just to have a man because you are lonely. The result will be you being in a relationship that is not healthy. A man can quickly sense a thirsty woman. He will make up his mind right away on how he will deal with her and even good men will treat a thirsty woman less than respectable.
Men are suppose to chase women, its in our nature. So, what happens when that
nature is disrupted by a woman throwing herself in front of a man and chasing him?
I'm just saying, that's just how I feel....
So, ladies, what do you do to get a man's attention and let him know that you want him?
I have heard first hand, second hand and sometimes third hand (just kidding, not sure what that would be... lol), women talk about the dating situation in Atlanta and how frustrating it can be. I have met a lady who said that she wants to be married so bad that she actually wears a ring on her ring finger! I am not sure that is going to attract a man, but you never know.
I understand that people get lonely, I am in the same boat, I would like that special someone to have in my corner. I guess it's all about how you go about finding and being with that person. The days of old are gone. There use to be a time when men approached a woman whom he had interest and ask her out. If the woman liked a man, she would give subtle hints and flirt to let the man know she was interested in him. If he never asked her out, then he wasn't interested.
I LOVE an aggressive female, I do, but there are limits and boundaries to everything. Some women can be pushy. If you let it be know that you are interested in a man and you want to spend time with him, then that is all you have to do. If he decides that he doesn't want to see you this week, its not because he is NOT interested. You don't have to keep reminding him that you want to see him, he already knows that, you told him 5 times already. He heard you twice the first time... lol.
It is a HUGE turnoff when a woman is begging for attention. I have read female's pages on BP and they talk about men getting an attitude because they don't respond to the note OR men giving them their phone number before they have even had a conversation on BP. I was like, "why are they upset? What's the big deal?" Let's just say, I know exactly what they are talking about.
Before you go there let me say this: I feel confident that I am a decent looking man, when my teeth and hair are brushed, I have lotion on, and my clothes are ironed, I don't look half bad... lol. I do not think that I am "all that" or God's Gift to women, or Mr. Right. I do not think I am Ugly either. So, I don't think that I am all that.
This is all a "game." I do not want to Play the dating game, but if you are dating, I guess you are playing.
I recently discovered that I really don't enjoy talking on the phone that much, I'd rather text you. Maybe I am not ready for this whole dating thing. There are too many expectations associated with dating. Expected to call, text, or see each other daily. Expected to go on a date weekly. If you don't call or text then its like "oh, you don't like me?" No, not at all, maybe I was in a bad mood and didn't want to talk to anyone today? Maybe I'm stressing out and just need some "alone" time? But the bottom line, there is an expectation that is set and when you don't live up to it, the other person feels like you are not interested or not serious.
Take your time, do not rush, get to know people for who they are, understand their lifestyle and determine if it is a good fit with yours. Don't just be "Thirsty" for any relationship or just to have a man because you are lonely. The result will be you being in a relationship that is not healthy. A man can quickly sense a thirsty woman. He will make up his mind right away on how he will deal with her and even good men will treat a thirsty woman less than respectable.
Men are suppose to chase women, its in our nature. So, what happens when that
nature is disrupted by a woman throwing herself in front of a man and chasing him?
I'm just saying, that's just how I feel....
So, ladies, what do you do to get a man's attention and let him know that you want him?
You need to respect ME!
Ladies,
I am viewing your Black Planet, Twitpics, Facebook, Myspace, blogger pages and anywhere else you may have pictures posted online. The thing that kills me is when I got to a lady's page and this is what it looks like: pictures in lingere, short shorts, see-through, sitting on the sink with a thong, top-less, etc. Those are the pictures, but the text on the page is like this: "Y'all men need to stop coming at me foul, I am a woman, so respect me as one." Which is true. But the person clicked on your page because your username was something like "stayswet247" or "assntitties" and when they get to the page, they see sexy and nearly nude pictures.
Dave Chappelle said this best in his stand up routine and I think there is nothing else to say about it. If you don't want men to come at you crazy, then don't portray yourself in a certain way. Perception is reality! When they come to your page and see you nearly nude, they are going to assume that you are sexual, freaky, etc and come at you in that way. So, if you don't want them to approach you that way, you need to use a different approach. View the 2 minute clip and Dave C. explains it way better than me.
I am viewing your Black Planet, Twitpics, Facebook, Myspace, blogger pages and anywhere else you may have pictures posted online. The thing that kills me is when I got to a lady's page and this is what it looks like: pictures in lingere, short shorts, see-through, sitting on the sink with a thong, top-less, etc. Those are the pictures, but the text on the page is like this: "Y'all men need to stop coming at me foul, I am a woman, so respect me as one." Which is true. But the person clicked on your page because your username was something like "stayswet247" or "assntitties" and when they get to the page, they see sexy and nearly nude pictures.
Dave Chappelle said this best in his stand up routine and I think there is nothing else to say about it. If you don't want men to come at you crazy, then don't portray yourself in a certain way. Perception is reality! When they come to your page and see you nearly nude, they are going to assume that you are sexual, freaky, etc and come at you in that way. So, if you don't want them to approach you that way, you need to use a different approach. View the 2 minute clip and Dave C. explains it way better than me.
Stipulations
Stipulations
Just looking around at people's page and I see signs right away. I mean... you can't even say "hi" to someone on Black Planet if you don't meet the requirements listed on your page. If I am talking about "You," I am sorry, but it's true and you can feel free to leave a comment.Words like "no," "can't" "don't" are negatives. So when you say, "No pictures, not chat!" You are sending off negative vibes. I understand, if you are looking for a man, then a picture is necessary, but if you are just having good convo, why does a picture matter?
As far as the other comments "Don't leave me any stupid notes, talking crazy, asking if we can have sexy..." blah, blah, blah... The way that you carry yourself will allow a man to know how to approach you or if he wants to approach you. There are some idiots out there that are just going to talk stupid anyway, but like I said, a small few. So, why do you get all of these idiots? Well, maybe if you were weren't in your bra and panties in your profile photo and pictures of your booty in a thong in your other pictures.
Do you know how many pages I see, half naked women, tons of "sexy" PG13 and some Rated R pictures, but on their front page they say "I am not looking for a relationship, I already have a man or I am single and loving it. Don't come at me crazy talking about sex..... blah, blah, blah."
Its like being in a strip club, dressed like a stripper and you get mad when a guy starts throwing money at you.... well maybe not a good example. Dave Chappelle put it best in his stand up "I know you are not a %#&@$! just because you dress like that, but you are wearing a %#&@$!'s uniform." So, you can't fault the guys for talking crazy.
Here's a tip. If you want a guy to come at you respectfully, you need to set up your appearance in a way that demands respect.
Don't list all these stipulations on your page and have an attitude with me because this is the first time I am reading your page, I didn't say anything rude or nasty to you, why do I have to get this message?
You can't change the world, but you can change yourself and how you deal with it... I'm just saying though... lol
Mr. Right?
Honestly? I was watching a discussion on relationships with Steve Harvey, Sherri, Harper Hill and a few others. Someone made a comment that most women want a "Denzel Washingtong type, pulling up in a Bently with a trunk full of Godiva Chocolate." Is that Mr. Right?" Is that realistic?
Sherri said that she wanted a man who could help comb her hair out. WTH? And Steve Harvey made a good statement: "Ain't no real MAN gonna do that." lol.
But seriously. I through my life, I have come accross females who tell me that they want a certain type of guy. And me, being the accomodating type, have adjust a few things to become "that" type of guy. In the end, it was not enough to keep the relationship together. One person told me "You are a great guy and nothing wrong with our relationship, but I want to date other people." She came back later saying she made a huge mistake and want to be with me... but I don't move backwards... moving on.
There is a guy, married, his wife is a stay at home mother. They have a nice house in the suburbs, 3 kids, 2 cars, 1 van. The husband is college educated, comes from a middle class family. Does not smoke, only drinks socially, does not "hang out" with the fellas, doesn't go to strip clubs, does not curse. No Tattoos. His body is in shape because he works out daily. When people see him, they think "he is a gentleman." He enjoys spending time with his wife and kids at home and other activities with his family or just with his wife.
The wife gets a call from an old "flame" from high school. She hasn't spoken to him nor seen this guy in over 10 years. Why? Because he was in Jail. He has two kids, but the mothers of the children don't want him around. He doesn't pay child support nor does he make an effort to see his kids. He smokes and drinks.
The wife leaves her husband to try to pursue this "old flame."
Before you go crazy commenting. Who is Mr. Right? Its obvious that the old flame was Mr. Right to her. That is who she really wanted to be with. If her husband was Mr. Right, then she would of not been concerned with the old flame. Is it that people tell you that "this" is what Mr. Right is suppose to be and you go along with it because it sounds good?
In fact, some women like "bad boys" and it could be that the "bad boy" is your Mr. Right. I'm just putting it out there... you need to be realistic about who Mr. Right is for you.
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