Why do men lie?

Why do men lie?

I think a better question is, why do people lie? Let’s face it, in relationships, men lie about who they were with, where they’ve been and money. So, when a man is lying, its probably about him NOT being where he said he was OR lying about money.

The most common is in regards to where he has been. I am going to keep it 100% with you, I have lied to my wife about where I was, because I didn’t want to hear the argument about it and I just really needed time alone. I was not cheating on her, just needed some “me” time.  I wish we had the relationship where she understood, but she didn’t. So, I told her that I went to workout and really I was over my friend’s house playing playstation. She thinks that video games for a grown man is a waste of time and she would be SO upset that I would chose to use a few hours of my day to “play.” But let’s be real, I am not the norm. Most men are going to lie when they were either cheating or doing something that was borderline cheating.

Why do men do things that they know they will have to tell a lie to cover it up? 1 – they enjoy it and think that they can get away with it. 2 – they feel that if they do get caught, their lady will be mad, but won’t leave them 3 – they truly are NOT happy in their relationship and they are seeking outside pleasure. Let’s face it, it hurts when you were lied to, but its usually what the lie is covering up that may be the source of the problem.

So, your man said he was over his friend’s house at a bar-b-q, but really went to the movies with a female co-worker. You find out about it. You ask him “Why did you lie to me, who is this chick?” Its obvious why he lied, he was going out with another woman. What you need to be asking is “what is it in our relationship that we need to fix?” or “do you still love me or do we need to go our separate ways?” Get over the lying, who cares, that is not the problem, if he didn’t do the dirt, he wouldn’t have to lie. He did his “dirt” because he was not happy. Why is he no longer happy in the relationship?

As far as money, most men and women lie about it because deep down, they are probably doing something with the money that the other person doesn’t agree on or don’t want to share. My ex’s best friend got a child support settlement and student loan refund money and didn’t tell her husband. She bought her and her children new clothes, had a day at the spa, took her and her friends out to eat. She put the rest of the money aside for a rainy day. Why didn’t she tell her husband? Her husband was not responsible with money. He found out about her hiding money and you know it was a big argument and what did she do? Lied about the amount of money and what she did with it all. The root cause? Her husband is not good with money, so she withheld if from him, so he would not blow it.

Lovers now Friends

Lovers to friends?

Unfortunately, all the people you date or have a relationship with don’t work out. So, you meet someone, you connect well at first, you think everything will work out well. A few weeks or months go by and sex is entered into the relationship. So far, so good, but for what ever reason, the relationship ends. Now what?

Most of the time, there is a period of distancing and you do not talk to or see the person you were in a relationship with. Then later on, you re-connect. You both know that having a romantic relationship is out of the question, let’s face it, it didn’t work last time, but can you be friends?

It seems like for women, making the lover to friend transition is rater easy. From a male perspective, if sex is ever an option, they will take it. Spending more time together, talking on the phone, going to the movies, etc may cause some feelings to resurface. 

So, I ask the question, can lovers really become only friends (no sex or sexual attraction temptation). The reason for this question in my case is that I had a person who I had a romantic relationship with and I miss our friendship BUT I know that she wants a relationship which I do not want. So, if we tried to spend time together and just be friends the line of friendship may get blurred with memories of the good romance and sexual attraction. If I was to keep this friendship, it may cause uneasy sexual tension. I know that I am not the only one with this type of situation. Is it possible to be just friends after you were lovers? Trey songs says “There is no way that we can be friends!”

Older Men Jealous or Insecure?

A younger lady asked me why is that older men that she dates are always really jealous? I think it is insecurity on their part, not really jealously. They may feel that they need to work extra hard to keep their younger lady interested and not interested in a younger man, but that is on a case by case bases and it is ALL about being secure with themselves.

I have to say, my wife cheated on me and it made me question my worth, my appearance, and all that. I was a huge strike to my ego. I am very secure now.... I have been approached my younger women and I have to wonder the reason for the attraction opposed to a younger guy. So, I guess some men are like, she is 8 years or more younger than me, why is she attracted to me instead of someone her own age?

If you are dating an older man, you should tell him why you are attracted to him. Early on in the relationship, you should reaffirm the attraction that it is sincere. He might think that you have ulterior motives for being in the relationship.

You also need to think about what type of personality you have. Are you flirtatious? Extremely friendly? I had an attractive girlfriend who was very “friendly” to everyone. She always smiled and said hello or started conversations with complete strangers. Some men would think that she was interested in them and then she would have to tell them, “No, I don’t want your phone number, I am in a relationship, I was just being nice.” Some men can not deal with a woman like this, you need to find out what your man is comfortable with.

How do you measure love?

In the movies Brothers the Mother is explaining how you can really tell if a man loves you. She says, if he gives you the last bite of food that you are eating together, then he loves you.

I don’t believe that, but let’s look at that concept. What do you signify as a sign of love? What is it that you do ONLY if you love someone? I know that I am in LOVE with someone if get me to go to watch a movie that I refuse to watch. Or, if there is something that I am 100% against and they get me to do it anyway, then I know love is involved. But this could be different for everyone. 

Here is where confusion sets in, you think that someone loves you because they let you eat the last piece of food, but they show their love in another way. They can eat the last piece of food and it is not because they DON’T love you, it may be for another reason. 

I am not a big talker on the phone. I will text more than I will talk. I like being in person more than talking on the phone. Someone may think that I am not feeling them because I do not talk on the phone with them for hours and hours. Or someone might not think I am interested because I only text once a day or once every other day. Other people may get another feeling. They might think because this person texts them every day, then they really like them.

What do you do for someone to signify your love? How does someone know that you really love them? What do you want someone to do for you to show you that they really love you?

Where's the Love

I see everyone's Facebook and Tweets about love. Good love, bad love, love that is missing, being lonely, looking for a good man, looking for a good woman. Where is the love?

It is very interesting. You meet someone, they are attractive, they seem to have it going on. You talk to them, you have a lot in common. You express the them that you don't have time for games, you want someone who is honest, affectionate, and thoughtful or whatever your criteria may be. Both sides of the party have good intentions, then somewhere along the way the love disappears.

Something happens, now you are a B.I.T.C.H. and he is a No good Mutha F____! What happen? Why did he cheat? Why did you call him out of his name? What happen to the love on the first date? Well, not love, but the respect?

I really have not been able to get that far. A few telephone conversations, a few text messages, a few kisses, and then its over. Is my love gone too? Because of the dead end and no good women around me, am I now incapable of loving?

I really don't get it. Real gentlemen always get the short end of the stick. They get it for too long and then become the man that women complain about.

I see everyone chasing love, but when they get it, I don't think they know what to do with it.... really!

Too Much Time with Friends?

You meet your someone new. He enjoys hanging with the homies. Things start getting serious, he still wants to hang out with his boys. Do you give him his space? Do you force him to stop hanging with his boys so much? What is the compromise?

Some females have close relationships with their girls. They have certain nights deemed as “ladies night.”  Are you willing to sacrifice or not go out with your girls so much because you are now in a relationship?

What is the healthy balance? Both need time to be away from the other. The man needs to have some type of male companionship, but what is too much? Females need time to unwind with their girls, but what is too much?

Also, what is appropriate “hanging out?” As a female, are you cool with your man going to a strip club? As a man, are you cool with your lady going out to the club with her single girlfriends?

I think there needs to be clear communication between both in the relationship. There may be some assumptions going on. I might assume that my lady will not hang with her girls as much because we are in a relationship. The one I am dating may assume that I know that she hangs out with her girls a lot, so I should be use to it and deal with it. People in a relationship need to talk more.

What do you think is an acceptable balance?