Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Oh My!!!

This is really tricky. Facebook, twitter, and other online communities opens people up to a world of other people. It has it’s pros and cons. 

For example, the pros with Facebook is that I can get in contact with old friends and communicated with my close friends and family quickly and effectively. I can post pictures of me and my boys and share with all my friends and family all at once. If something special goes on in my life, I can share. I can also see what is going on with my other friends and family as well. I can just look at their page and see what they have been posting and not necessarily have to contact them to see if they are doing well.

The cons to that is that people know everything. If you are not careful about making your page private or who you save as friend, you are opening your private life up to the public. Also, getting reacquainted with old friends means old boyfriends or girlfriends or people you have dated. In an instant it can get a little messy.

When I was married, my wife was addicted to Facebook. Every time I turned around she was commenting on someone’s picture, post, or playing some game. It caused a strain on our relationship in a few ways. I come home from working 10-12 hours and she is not paying me any attention and her face is “all up in” the computer screen. I noticed that she left and yes, she left her facebook page up. One of her “old” friends hit “her”/me up. This guy was someone my wife had sex with in the past. He was definitely see if the door was still open for him to “hit that” again. Wow, and he knows that my wife is married, no respect. That made me look at facebook very differently. 

I actually stumbled upon my ex-wife’s twitter page. She had me begging to get back with me, telling me that she loved me and wanted me. When I went to her twitter page, she is flirting with several men having explicit sexual dialogue. I also noticed messages like “why didn’t you call me or text me back?” That let me know that this was more than just an online relationship. Was she really wanting to get back to me? Was twitter 100% entertainment? It is hard to tell. 

How would you feel if you saw your lover online talking to the opposite sex, flirting, having sexual conversations? How would you feel if your significant other tweeted about the things they love about sex? For example, I see tweets all the time that says “sex is the best when…” Do you want the “world” to know what your lover enjoys? How do you feel about that?

Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace may be innocent and not cheating may be involved…  why leave that up to suspicion and risk your relationship? The short term gratification and pleasure from flirting online worth causing problems with the person you love and spend so much time with?

I Need A White Girl!

Before you send me hate mail, the title is not from me, but to get your attention. I was talking with a friend about the dating situation in Atlanta and he told me that black women have it hard because there are more women than men, a lot of men in Atlanta are homosexuals, and a lot of black men date outside of their race, so the pool of available brothers is very small.

My friend also make a statement that concerned me "Out of all the races, black men are the ones that are more likely to date and marry outside of their race. And Black Women are the most loyal to date and marry black men." I truly do NOT know the stats on that. But lets think about that for a minute.

What if this is actually true? It sounds like it could be true. What is the number 1 complaint that people joke about or sometimes serious about with the problem with Black Women? Lets say this all together ATTITUDE! Women of other races are not as confrontational as Black Women are. Some Black Men are not strong enough to deal with the attitude OR just don't want to deal with it and end up dating outside the race. I know there is a lot more to go alone with that and there may be another factor. MODEL

How many Black families have had a good Model of what a healthy relationship or marriage is suppose to look like? It is the norm for the father NOT to be in the home, of if he is there, a lot of arguing, fighting, or other unhealthy behavior going on? Does the Black Woman, as a child, see what a husband is suppose to do and how a wife is suppose to act? My guess is NO.

If the woman see's her Mother giving "attitude" to her significant other, this is what she is going to do when she grows up. Bad role model and vicious cycle.

So, some black men have had some bad experiences with black women and don't want the headache of the attitude and arguing, so they chose to date outside their race. I am not saying it's right, but I guess it is their choice. I see it more here in Atlanta than I do in Ohio. This is shocking to me. I know there are more available Black Women in Atlanta than in Columbus, OH. So, when I see a black guy with a white girl in Ohio, I am like, "hey, maybe that is all he could find." But in Atlanta?!?! The reason a black guy is with a white female or another race, is because he made a firm decision in his own mind to do so. I wonder what the real reason is, do you know?

Uninvited Guest

When is it okay to come over to someone's house without calling first? Is there ever a time?

I think it is just good manners to call and say "hey, I am in the neighborhood, I wanted to see you, can I stop by?" Am I old fashioned?

I was talking to a friend and there was a "situation" with her roommate. Her roommate is "dating" and when I say that, she is not in an exclusive relationship. She goes out on dates with different men trying to find the right one. Well, she had one man stay the night with her. The next morning, she had an uninvited guest "stop by" while she was in the company of another man. The person who stopped by was not invited, didn't call, he just showed up. He was knocking on the door and calling her phone demanding to see her.

To me, that seems a bit stalker-ish. Why would he think it was okay to stop by like that? But it made me think, when is it ever a good idea to stop by without getting approval first? If she was all alone, would it have been okay? I think people need to set boundaries.

My thoughts on the situation:
1 - It is never okay to come over to my place without calling and getting the "okay" first. Why? I might not be home, I might be busy, I might be getting ready to leave, or I might have something else going on where I do not have time to deal with an interruption. Not that I am doing anything wrong, but there are times when people need their space.
2. If someone does decide to stop over without prior approval, set the boundaries. When you answer the door, tell them "I appreciate you thinking of me and coming over, but you need to respect my space and give me the courtesy of a phone call. I am busy right now and can not entertain your company. Talk to you later, have good day, bye."
3. If someone stops by the 2nd time without prior approval, do not open the door. Either call them on their cell phone or talk to them through the door and tell them "I talked to you about this before, you really need to call before stopping over. I can't talk to you right now, bye."
4. If they do it the 3rd time, do not acknowledge them at the door at all and you probably need to separate yourself from this person, they might be a stalker.

So, when is it okay to stop by without prior approval? This can get tricky. I think that even if you are in an exclusive relationship, it is still courtesy to call first. I guess the only time when it would be okay is if you have your own key to their place, but if they are not expecting you, I think it is still nice to call and say "hey, I am on my way over."

The problem occurs when someone stops by without getting prior approval and you welcome them into the house. When you do that, you are sending them a message that it is okay to "pop up." Even if you tell them "you need to call next time, but since you are here, come on in." That would be leaving the door open (no pun intended) for them to just pop up anytime they feel like it.

What is your opinion? When is it okay to just show up?

What to Do when Rent is Due?

Everyone has to pay rent or mortgage, if you are out on your own.

So, I am thinking about things that I have heard, witnessed, or experienced. This blog is not just about rent, but it is about Money and relationships. Often times, women have male friends who are good friends, but they do not have a physical attraction to that person. The male friend, would like to be in a romatic relationship, but knows that the woman isn't feeling them in that way.

So, the female gets in a bind, needs help with rent, car note, groceries, gas, water bill, electric bill, or any other bill... cell phone bill... lol. She talks to her male "friend" and he says "hey, I know you need help, I am going to give you $200, don't worry about it, you are my friend and I got you."

Seems sorta innocent right? In some cases it maybe. I think in about 1% of the cases, this may be true. In the other 99% of the cases, the male friend is keeping a record of how and when he has helped you. Not only that, he is hoping and praying, that you will "look" at him a little differently. He is looking for anyway to "break" into your heart or maybe just your panties.

So many times I have heard women say "he paid my rent, then he got all brand new, tried to have sex with me," or "now, he talks to me 'any ol'kinda way, cus he knows that I need him to pay my cell phone every month," or "he uses the fact that he has helped me out against me, throws it up in my face."

It is a power thing. It is crazy and I do not operate this way, but I know how men think. Why do you think he is being extra nice to you? Let you borrow his car, put a down payment on your car, paid your cell phone bill.
I had a friend recently tell me that she got her car towed. She called an old "friend," he was much older than her in age, always taking her and her friends out to eat, always saying "if you ever need anything just ask." So, when he got the car out of the impound, she was greatful. He made several sexual advances, when she said "no," he demanded all of his money back.

Let me say this and make this clear. No matter what the reason is or what the man says, he is expecting that his money is an investment to get into a relationship, romantic or just sexual. It's just that simple.

When Is Age More than A Number?

Everyone heard the phrase "Age ain't nothing but a number?" But when does it become a factor? 10, 15, 20, 30 years in an age difference? When is the cut off point?

This question is probably relative, 10 years is not a big deal if the ages are 40 and 50. But if the ages are 10 and 20, yeah, that is a big deal... lol and kinda sick too!

So, what are the cut off limits? Is it that simple? Is it a sliding scale or just what feels right? If I am 28 and dating an 18 year old, we are at different points in our life, what do we have in common right? She just graduated high school and I am well into my career, with a house and she has never moved out on her own yet.

Some people mature quicker than others and there are a lot of other factors that come into play too, but what are they too you?

I know that 18 is legal, but I really don't see why I would talk to an 18 year old in a romantic way, I would be as a brother or just someone trying to help them along the way, not join them with my journey.

Is age a sole reason to NOT talk or date someone?

Kiss Me Already

Kiss Me Already

When dating, how soon is too soon for the first kiss?

You want the other person to like you, you like them, but you don't want to come off too "fresh." Do you care what they say and go for the kiss and hopefully they feel the same way and you have a connection?

Some people say, "no, not on the first date, maybe a small kiss on the 2nd or 3rd date." But where do these "rules" come from? I've been in situations where I kissed someone on the first date and it went well and some that it went bad. The worse is leaning in for the kiss only to be turned away. I've been in a relationship where we moved slow to play it safe and guess what? We both found out that we were moving too slow and neither of us liked the pace, but kept going because we really liked the other person and didn't want to ruin it.

I say, go with your heart. If it feels right, go with it. The worse thing that can happen is that i doesn't work out and you are in the same spot you started in OR things go great and you are happier than ever.

So, do you have "rules" - not on the first date? Kisses only after dates 4 or 5, no entry into my home until dates 6 or 7, can't meet the family until 4 months, etc. How soon is too soon for any of this stuff?

Relationship Killer

The #1 cause of relationship problems? Communication!

The female in the relationship feels that she is not getting enough attention. The male in the relationship is tired of his lady talking and texting on the phone all the time.... but no body says anything. Then, the lady not getting enough attention, goes out and find someone else to give it to her. The man who is not getting attention, he gets it as well. 

So, You read his facebook status, tweet and assumed that he was talking about you or your relationship. Really, he was just speaking of past relationships OR talking about what was going on with one of his friends. BUT you ASSUME that it was relating to YOU without asking about it.

So, she hasn't called you in a few days. You have not taken the initiative to call her either, or maybe you were just busy. Now a week has gone by and she has not reached out to you at all. You assume she is no longer interested with your relationship, so you move on. A week later, you find out that she was in the hospital, phone cut off, or something else going on that prevented her from calling you. Communication. Maybe she was thinking that you were not interested because you were not calling either... Communication. 

When you are learning someone you, you have to communicate, there are things that you may not know about this person until certain events arise. PLEASE, open your mouth and get clarity. Do NOT ASSUME anything.
Communication Kills Relationships