Everyone has to pay rent or mortgage, if you are out on your own.
So, I am thinking about things that I have heard, witnessed, or experienced. This blog is not just about rent, but it is about Money and relationships. Often times, women have male friends who are good friends, but they do not have a physical attraction to that person. The male friend, would like to be in a romatic relationship, but knows that the woman isn't feeling them in that way.
So, the female gets in a bind, needs help with rent, car note, groceries, gas, water bill, electric bill, or any other bill... cell phone bill... lol. She talks to her male "friend" and he says "hey, I know you need help, I am going to give you $200, don't worry about it, you are my friend and I got you."
Seems sorta innocent right? In some cases it maybe. I think in about 1% of the cases, this may be true. In the other 99% of the cases, the male friend is keeping a record of how and when he has helped you. Not only that, he is hoping and praying, that you will "look" at him a little differently. He is looking for anyway to "break" into your heart or maybe just your panties.
So many times I have heard women say "he paid my rent, then he got all brand new, tried to have sex with me," or "now, he talks to me 'any ol'kinda way, cus he knows that I need him to pay my cell phone every month," or "he uses the fact that he has helped me out against me, throws it up in my face."
It is a power thing. It is crazy and I do not operate this way, but I know how men think. Why do you think he is being extra nice to you? Let you borrow his car, put a down payment on your car, paid your cell phone bill.
I had a friend recently tell me that she got her car towed. She called an old "friend," he was much older than her in age, always taking her and her friends out to eat, always saying "if you ever need anything just ask." So, when he got the car out of the impound, she was greatful. He made several sexual advances, when she said "no," he demanded all of his money back.
Let me say this and make this clear. No matter what the reason is or what the man says, he is expecting that his money is an investment to get into a relationship, romantic or just sexual. It's just that simple.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
When Is Age More than A Number?
Everyone heard the phrase "Age ain't nothing but a number?" But when does it become a factor? 10, 15, 20, 30 years in an age difference? When is the cut off point?
This question is probably relative, 10 years is not a big deal if the ages are 40 and 50. But if the ages are 10 and 20, yeah, that is a big deal... lol and kinda sick too!
So, what are the cut off limits? Is it that simple? Is it a sliding scale or just what feels right? If I am 28 and dating an 18 year old, we are at different points in our life, what do we have in common right? She just graduated high school and I am well into my career, with a house and she has never moved out on her own yet.
Some people mature quicker than others and there are a lot of other factors that come into play too, but what are they too you?
I know that 18 is legal, but I really don't see why I would talk to an 18 year old in a romantic way, I would be as a brother or just someone trying to help them along the way, not join them with my journey.
Is age a sole reason to NOT talk or date someone?
This question is probably relative, 10 years is not a big deal if the ages are 40 and 50. But if the ages are 10 and 20, yeah, that is a big deal... lol and kinda sick too!
So, what are the cut off limits? Is it that simple? Is it a sliding scale or just what feels right? If I am 28 and dating an 18 year old, we are at different points in our life, what do we have in common right? She just graduated high school and I am well into my career, with a house and she has never moved out on her own yet.
Some people mature quicker than others and there are a lot of other factors that come into play too, but what are they too you?
I know that 18 is legal, but I really don't see why I would talk to an 18 year old in a romantic way, I would be as a brother or just someone trying to help them along the way, not join them with my journey.
Is age a sole reason to NOT talk or date someone?
Kiss Me Already
Kiss Me Already
When dating, how soon is too soon for the first kiss?
You want the other person to like you, you like them, but you don't want to come off too "fresh." Do you care what they say and go for the kiss and hopefully they feel the same way and you have a connection?
Some people say, "no, not on the first date, maybe a small kiss on the 2nd or 3rd date." But where do these "rules" come from? I've been in situations where I kissed someone on the first date and it went well and some that it went bad. The worse is leaning in for the kiss only to be turned away. I've been in a relationship where we moved slow to play it safe and guess what? We both found out that we were moving too slow and neither of us liked the pace, but kept going because we really liked the other person and didn't want to ruin it.
I say, go with your heart. If it feels right, go with it. The worse thing that can happen is that i doesn't work out and you are in the same spot you started in OR things go great and you are happier than ever.
So, do you have "rules" - not on the first date? Kisses only after dates 4 or 5, no entry into my home until dates 6 or 7, can't meet the family until 4 months, etc. How soon is too soon for any of this stuff?
Relationship Killer
The female in the relationship feels that she is not getting enough attention. The male in the relationship is tired of his lady talking and texting on the phone all the time.... but no body says anything. Then, the lady not getting enough attention, goes out and find someone else to give it to her. The man who is not getting attention, he gets it as well.
So, You read his facebook status, tweet and assumed that he was talking about you or your relationship. Really, he was just speaking of past relationships OR talking about what was going on with one of his friends. BUT you ASSUME that it was relating to YOU without asking about it.
So, she hasn't called you in a few days. You have not taken the initiative to call her either, or maybe you were just busy. Now a week has gone by and she has not reached out to you at all. You assume she is no longer interested with your relationship, so you move on. A week later, you find out that she was in the hospital, phone cut off, or something else going on that prevented her from calling you. Communication. Maybe she was thinking that you were not interested because you were not calling either... Communication.
When you are learning someone you, you have to communicate, there are things that you may not know about this person until certain events arise. PLEASE, open your mouth and get clarity. Do NOT ASSUME anything.
Communication Kills Relationships
Single By Choice
Isn't everyone single by choice? Well, I mean single as in not in a relationship. There is truly someone for everyone. What ever you don't like about your face, body, or personality, there is someone out there who is in love with it.
It is so interesting, I never thought of it before. But I've heard it said and seen it on people's pages "Single by Choice." Unless you are The Hunch Back of Notre Dame or the guy from Goonies, there is someone for you... hey, even if you did look like the previously mentioned people, you probably would still get holla if you had a big BUTT! LOL.
Single simply means Not married. So, if you are in a relationship with someone, 1 month or 10 years and you are not married, then you are single. So, unless we are married, we are all single. So, are people saying that they are not Married because they don't want to be married? Isn't that every woman's dream? To find the man from the Old Spice commercial, get married, buy a home and fill it up with a family?
My sister tells me about people she knows who can't "find" a man or get the man they are with to marry them. Here's a clue: if you are living with the man, what is the incentive for him to get married to you?
I guess the only people who are NOT single by choice are those individuals who are in a relationship, they want to get married and their significant other doesn't want to commit. I would never live with someone who I was not Married to. I would never move to another city to be with someone who I was not married to.
It is so interesting, I never thought of it before. But I've heard it said and seen it on people's pages "Single by Choice." Unless you are The Hunch Back of Notre Dame or the guy from Goonies, there is someone for you... hey, even if you did look like the previously mentioned people, you probably would still get holla if you had a big BUTT! LOL.
Single simply means Not married. So, if you are in a relationship with someone, 1 month or 10 years and you are not married, then you are single. So, unless we are married, we are all single. So, are people saying that they are not Married because they don't want to be married? Isn't that every woman's dream? To find the man from the Old Spice commercial, get married, buy a home and fill it up with a family?
My sister tells me about people she knows who can't "find" a man or get the man they are with to marry them. Here's a clue: if you are living with the man, what is the incentive for him to get married to you?
I guess the only people who are NOT single by choice are those individuals who are in a relationship, they want to get married and their significant other doesn't want to commit. I would never live with someone who I was not Married to. I would never move to another city to be with someone who I was not married to.
Living Together, Yes, Shacking Up
Some people are for living together when you are not married, some are against it. I am against it, but I will lay out the pros and cons of both.
Pros For Living Together
More Time Together
The obvious pro for living together is that you will see more of each other. You will sleep in the same bed, spend more alone time, and not worrying about when you have to get up and leave. You will also know when the person is at work, when they are at the store, on their way home etc. Not only will you spend more time together, you will know and have a good idea when they will be coming home.
Shared Help
Living together will allow you to share the living expenses or reduce your living expenses dramatically. Some females may want to move in with their man because he is paying all the bills at his place, so if she moves in, she can save all her money that she makes from work. When money is tight as it is these days, this may be a good solution for someone. You also have the shared responsibilities of house work. This comes to keeping the house clean, washing dishes, washing clothes, cooking, or anything else you may need help. Having someone else around to help out is a great benefit.
Test It Out
When you are living together, you can "test out" how things would be when you are married. You know if this person snores, if they are messy, and other living habits they may have. You can make a determination if this is someone you can see living the rest of your life with.
Cons of Living Together
A True Commitment
You may be locked into staying with this person longer than you may want to. If you sign a lease, you have to be there or obligated to that place for at least a year. If anything happens during that year, do you have someone else you can stay for free or pay the early "break-lease" penalty? What if the water, electric, gas, internet, or telephone bill is in your name? When you leave, the other person can run up the bill and not pay it, but your name is on the account, so you are responsible. Something to think about. If you ever watch the "Judge Shows" then you will see how many lovers or roommates are fighting over who is suppose to pay the bills, its serious.
Too Much Time Together
Maybe you enjoyed having you own space and didn't know it. Are you really ready to see this person every day. When you go to work, they are there, when you come home from work, they are right there. Are you ready for that? It may be good at first, but sometimes you may want your own space. Telling the other person that you want your own space.
Argument! Now Where Do I Go?
Now that you live together, when you get into an argument, you can't really get away from the other person. If you do leave the house, that could cause another argument: "where are you going?" "Who were you with?!" and we don't want more drama. Also, when you live with someone, a small argument can go on for days if the issue is not resolved immediately. The small argument grows and now you are breaking up, if you were living separate, a few days apart would of saved the relationship.
Unexpected Living Arrangements
You may not be use to sleeping with your lover, they may sleep wild, snore, or want sex every night and you may not be up to that. There are things that come up when you live with someone that you don't see or deal with because you live apart. You may be expected to cook every night or expect the other person to cook every night and it may not happen. Now that you live with this person, you see that they are really a messy person or really a neat freak and it drives you crazy. Now that you live with this person, you really see their buy and spending habits and it makes you mad.
Why Get Married Now?
If your goal is to get married, then do not live with the other person. Have you ever heard the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Why would this person marry you when you are living as if you are married? What is the benefit or the new life being married when you are living together? None. The only difference is that you will have a ring (maybe) and a piece of paper that says you are married. I hear so many stories from women who want to be married, but have been living with their boyfriend for the last 5 or 6 years. I even hear about people buying a house together, but not get married. I find that fascinating. Most home mortgages are 15 or 30 years, the average marriage doesn't make past 4 years. So, for a person to be against commitment and not get married, but signs a mortgage with someone who is not their spouse, they just took on a larger commitment than marriage.
So, what are you going to do? What do you think the pros and cons are to you? Are you going to shack up or hold out? To each his own... Peace
Pros For Living Together
More Time Together
The obvious pro for living together is that you will see more of each other. You will sleep in the same bed, spend more alone time, and not worrying about when you have to get up and leave. You will also know when the person is at work, when they are at the store, on their way home etc. Not only will you spend more time together, you will know and have a good idea when they will be coming home.
Shared Help
Living together will allow you to share the living expenses or reduce your living expenses dramatically. Some females may want to move in with their man because he is paying all the bills at his place, so if she moves in, she can save all her money that she makes from work. When money is tight as it is these days, this may be a good solution for someone. You also have the shared responsibilities of house work. This comes to keeping the house clean, washing dishes, washing clothes, cooking, or anything else you may need help. Having someone else around to help out is a great benefit.
Test It Out
When you are living together, you can "test out" how things would be when you are married. You know if this person snores, if they are messy, and other living habits they may have. You can make a determination if this is someone you can see living the rest of your life with.
Cons of Living Together
A True Commitment
You may be locked into staying with this person longer than you may want to. If you sign a lease, you have to be there or obligated to that place for at least a year. If anything happens during that year, do you have someone else you can stay for free or pay the early "break-lease" penalty? What if the water, electric, gas, internet, or telephone bill is in your name? When you leave, the other person can run up the bill and not pay it, but your name is on the account, so you are responsible. Something to think about. If you ever watch the "Judge Shows" then you will see how many lovers or roommates are fighting over who is suppose to pay the bills, its serious.
Too Much Time Together
Maybe you enjoyed having you own space and didn't know it. Are you really ready to see this person every day. When you go to work, they are there, when you come home from work, they are right there. Are you ready for that? It may be good at first, but sometimes you may want your own space. Telling the other person that you want your own space.
Argument! Now Where Do I Go?
Now that you live together, when you get into an argument, you can't really get away from the other person. If you do leave the house, that could cause another argument: "where are you going?" "Who were you with?!" and we don't want more drama. Also, when you live with someone, a small argument can go on for days if the issue is not resolved immediately. The small argument grows and now you are breaking up, if you were living separate, a few days apart would of saved the relationship.
Unexpected Living Arrangements
You may not be use to sleeping with your lover, they may sleep wild, snore, or want sex every night and you may not be up to that. There are things that come up when you live with someone that you don't see or deal with because you live apart. You may be expected to cook every night or expect the other person to cook every night and it may not happen. Now that you live with this person, you see that they are really a messy person or really a neat freak and it drives you crazy. Now that you live with this person, you really see their buy and spending habits and it makes you mad.
Why Get Married Now?
If your goal is to get married, then do not live with the other person. Have you ever heard the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Why would this person marry you when you are living as if you are married? What is the benefit or the new life being married when you are living together? None. The only difference is that you will have a ring (maybe) and a piece of paper that says you are married. I hear so many stories from women who want to be married, but have been living with their boyfriend for the last 5 or 6 years. I even hear about people buying a house together, but not get married. I find that fascinating. Most home mortgages are 15 or 30 years, the average marriage doesn't make past 4 years. So, for a person to be against commitment and not get married, but signs a mortgage with someone who is not their spouse, they just took on a larger commitment than marriage.
So, what are you going to do? What do you think the pros and cons are to you? Are you going to shack up or hold out? To each his own... Peace
Can Friends with Benefits Really Work?
Everything starts out fine right? Both parties are attracted to each other sexually and they know what the boundaries are with the relationship. They enjoy the time they spend together and its all good.
The problem occurs when there is an imbalance in the relationship. What could cause this imbalance? One person may want to have sex more often. One person may feel that someone else is getting their “sex” time. There could be some jealousy. What if one of the partners gets into a relationship or start dating someone?
A little scenario for you: A couple meet through twitter, they hit it off well, neither one of them want a headache of a relationship because they both recently got out of a very bad one. BUT they both have “human” needs (aka need sex, feel lonely or horny), so they decide that they will start this “win-win” relationship and be together strictly for sex.
At first, the relationship starts off great. They see each other a few times a week. Sometimes the lady calls the guy and sometimes the guy calls the lady, they both know each other’s schedules, and they hook up as often as they can. One night, the lady calls the guy and he is not available. He is out of town for work, so he was not able to satisfy is friend or his end of the agreement. Once he gets back into town, they are able to hook up again. Now, the guy’s company has been sending him out of town once a month which causes him to miss a day of fun with his friend.
As time goes on, the guy sees that he could be in a real relationship with the lady. They do not talk too much, just a few times a week for a few minutes. But they have great communication, she is always really nice to him and he enjoys the time they spend together, even after the sex. He finds himself, after sex, laying in the bed with her watching TV and not really wanting to leave.
On the other hand, the lady is disappointed because she is not getting enough sex as often as she would like it. She has stopped calling her sex partner out of frustration and to prevent being “let down” when he tells her that he is out of town. She likes the idea of the sex partner, but now that she isn’t getting it as often as she would like, she feels that she doesn’t want to be tied down to one person, even if it is a sexual thing.
The guy starts to notice that he is the only one calling to set up “sex time” and that she has become more unavailable than usual. Finally he is able to talk to her and tells her how he feels “If things were a bit different, I could see myself with you in a relationship. But right now, it seems like you really don’t want to be bothered with me anymore.” She agrees that he too is a nice guy that she could see herself with. She explains that she has been distant for more personal reasons and nothing to do with him. Now they are in a full discussion about…. “Their relationship.” Even though it is sexual, it is still a relationship. They got into this agreement because they didn’t want to have to deal with questions and talking about feelings, but look what it evolved into.
So, I say it again, “Can friend with benefits relationships really work?”
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