Why I hate Valentine's Day

Why Do I Hate Valentine’s Day?

Ever since I could remember, Valentine’s Day was a day when you could step out on a limb and tell someone that you liked them OR find out that someone has secretly liked you and never had the courage to tell you about it.

So, I have always been the one to step out and tell that “special” female how I felt. In middle school, I remember sending out “Candy Grams” to a few females and never got a “thank you,” in return.

There was a female in my neighborhood. I wrote poetry to her, gave her gifts, just to find out that that she was pregnant. 

In High School, I was always single on Valentine’s Day and no secrete admirers came out. 

In College, I felt the courage to be Mr. Romantic. There was female that I saw on my way to class on every Monday. So, I decided to greet her with a long stemmed rose and poetry on Valentine’s Day. I thought she would think that I was weird or a stalker, she was actually flattered. She thought that one of her friends had put me up to it. She insisted that I read her the poem that I had wrote. My voice quivered, my hands shook, but I read the poem to her. I thought that some how, through the power of the words, the sincerity of the gesture would garner some emotion from her or at least friendship or an invite to converse later. She said “thank you,” and smiled and went on with her day. I saw her around campus, we made eye contact, but it was the stare of a stranger. She didn’t even have the look of “do I know you from somewhere?” It was as if nothing even happen at all, sort of like a day dream, something that only took place in my imagination.

Married for 7 years and I can’t recall a memorable valentine’s day. Wow, 7 years and I can’t remember not one? But I do remember the last one. The weekend before Valentine’s Day. I was taking a final for school, an online test. My wife told me that she would be going to have drinks with her girlfriends and would be back in 2 hours. When I completed my test, 3 hours later, she was not home. When I called her cell phone, it went straight to voice mail. When I looked up the hours of the place she said she was going to have drinks, it closed before she even left the house. I check my debit card to see where she could be having drinks…. The Sheraton? What is she doing at a hotel? So, you know how this story ends.

So, my entire life, I have been on a pursuit to make some special lady happy on Valentine’s Day, but not one time has anyone, even my ex-wife, gone out of their way to make my Valentine’s Day special. Yup, bitter black man, so please excuse me for not buying you candy, cards or flowers on Valentine’s Day, I got tired of depositing emotions into a bank that refuses to let me make a withdrawal.

Why I may Remain Single....

When I got married, I thought my Wife was trustworthy, classy, honest, and my best friend. When it was all said and done, I realized that she was none of these things.

The things that I thought she desired, she did not desire. The things that I thought she hated were the things she actually loved. I am not in any way saying that she was wholesome, but I really thought I had a "Wife in the streets and a freak in the sheets." What I found out, is that she was freakier than what I expected and she was freakier with other men and NOT me.

My first response was, "maybe she just changed," but she claims that she is the same person.

I have attempted to date other women and it just doesn't work. I am trying to decide if it is ME or is it that I am not finding the right person. I thought I found someone who had all of the qualities that I would want in a lover or possibly a wife, but when things got semi-serious, I no longer had as much interest as I did before. I went from wanting to spend time with that person, to wanting my own space and feeling like spending time with that person was a burden.

The image that I held of my one time wife with such high regard was totally shattered and it is nearly impossible for me to gain any real respect for any other woman. Not respect in a way that I would not treat them fair, but I just do not hold any weight on their feelings towards me or truth to what they say. I feel that everything is a lie unless I can see it for myself.

Would you date a man who says that he does not have any desire for a serious relationship EVER?

$$$$

A female that I use to date caught up with me on one of these Social Networking sites. She seemed excited about finding me again and getting reacquainted. We exchanged phone numbers and when I called, she was not available.

I thought that maybe if I sent a text then she would reply, but that didn't work. Maybe I should hit her back up on the same sight where she found me... no response. I go with the 3 strikes and out rule. I contact you 3 times with 3 days between each contact and I don't hear back from you, you really don't want to be bothered, so I quit.

Two weeks later I get a text from the same chick who ignored me "Please call me." So, I called her and she says. "hey, I am really broke, can you send me some money?" I am thinking to myself, "you can't return my calls, but you can ask me for money?" I tell her, "How much do you need?" and she replies "how much can you send me?" I say... "well, let me check on my money and I will get back to you."

A few hours later, several texts "Please call me," then a phone call, then more texts, and "Please call me, its urgent." I lead her on for about a week or so, then I tell her. "Naw, I can't help you out, times are rough out here."

A few days later, I send her a text saying "hey, how are you doing?" I don't get a response. Then a few days later, she is back to asking me for money.

Case #2 - I met a "friend" on twitter. We talked on the phone a few times. Use to "tweet" each other a lot. We use to text quite often. As a gesture to try to get to know my new friend better, I offer to take her out to dinner. She refused and said "I want to get to know you better..." I totally understand that. Two days later, she calls me and asks me to pay for her cell phone bill... So, we don't know each other good enough to go out to dinner, but You know me good enough to ask me to pay your cell phone bill. Crazy. So, when I refused, she stopped calling me. We went months without speaking. I sent her a message asking if she was okay and I thought that we were friends and wondered why she stopped talking to me. She responses back and asks for me to help her out with her cell phone bill again... wow.

With my ex-wife and all these other women that I have met after my divorce. I really see why men can turn sour on women. It really is all about the money huh?

Twitter... Facebook and Such

So, Twitter is just for entertainment right?

So, when does it become real? Is it safe to send stranger nude pics of yourself? What is the trill of that? What is the point? Would you walk up to someone you barely know on the street and flash them or show them a xxx pic in your phone?

Twitter may be just for entertainment, but then what happens when you meet your tweep in real life? You have sex with him or her? Now its more than one person in your time line where you have had sex with? Is it still entertainment or are you a twitter whore? Or are you a Player?

I know someone who has had sex with at least 4 guys that she has met on twitter. She is always talking sexual and vulgar and insists that twitter is just entertainment. So, when is it just entertainment or is sex just entertainment for some folks?

Why Men Hate Valentine's Day

Why most men Don’t like Valentine’s Day

What is the number one thing that women say on Valentine’s Day? Answer: “What did you get me?” Valentine’s day, by most men, is a day where we are forced to buy flowers and candy when it’s the most expensive, take our lady to a nice restaurant when it’s the most crowded, or try our damn best making a meal at home. Now, I know that it is not the case with all women… but from my experience, it has always been about “ME.” Who is “ME?” Me is the lady in the relationship. 

I am a very romantic person. I enjoy surprising my lady with flowers throughout the year. When I know for a fact that she is feeling down, I will do something special, or just on any day, surprise her with something. That is how you keep the relationship new and fresh. On Valentine’s day, it is known that she is entitled to a gift (in my past marriage, she required Chocolate candy and flowers). 

So, when the man come home on Valentine’s Day, what does he get in return? Cologne? Chocolate? Boxers? A nice Card? Sex if we are lucky? To be honest, I can’t remember 1 valentine gift that I ever received. Not sure if it is because I never got one or it was just so insignificant that I just don’t remember. And yes, remember, this is from a guy who was married for 7 years.

So, for a man… what’s in it for us on valentines day? It is always about making the woman happy… what about us?

Why do men lie?

Why do men lie?

I think a better question is, why do people lie? Let’s face it, in relationships, men lie about who they were with, where they’ve been and money. So, when a man is lying, its probably about him NOT being where he said he was OR lying about money.

The most common is in regards to where he has been. I am going to keep it 100% with you, I have lied to my wife about where I was, because I didn’t want to hear the argument about it and I just really needed time alone. I was not cheating on her, just needed some “me” time.  I wish we had the relationship where she understood, but she didn’t. So, I told her that I went to workout and really I was over my friend’s house playing playstation. She thinks that video games for a grown man is a waste of time and she would be SO upset that I would chose to use a few hours of my day to “play.” But let’s be real, I am not the norm. Most men are going to lie when they were either cheating or doing something that was borderline cheating.

Why do men do things that they know they will have to tell a lie to cover it up? 1 – they enjoy it and think that they can get away with it. 2 – they feel that if they do get caught, their lady will be mad, but won’t leave them 3 – they truly are NOT happy in their relationship and they are seeking outside pleasure. Let’s face it, it hurts when you were lied to, but its usually what the lie is covering up that may be the source of the problem.

So, your man said he was over his friend’s house at a bar-b-q, but really went to the movies with a female co-worker. You find out about it. You ask him “Why did you lie to me, who is this chick?” Its obvious why he lied, he was going out with another woman. What you need to be asking is “what is it in our relationship that we need to fix?” or “do you still love me or do we need to go our separate ways?” Get over the lying, who cares, that is not the problem, if he didn’t do the dirt, he wouldn’t have to lie. He did his “dirt” because he was not happy. Why is he no longer happy in the relationship?

As far as money, most men and women lie about it because deep down, they are probably doing something with the money that the other person doesn’t agree on or don’t want to share. My ex’s best friend got a child support settlement and student loan refund money and didn’t tell her husband. She bought her and her children new clothes, had a day at the spa, took her and her friends out to eat. She put the rest of the money aside for a rainy day. Why didn’t she tell her husband? Her husband was not responsible with money. He found out about her hiding money and you know it was a big argument and what did she do? Lied about the amount of money and what she did with it all. The root cause? Her husband is not good with money, so she withheld if from him, so he would not blow it.

Lovers now Friends

Lovers to friends?

Unfortunately, all the people you date or have a relationship with don’t work out. So, you meet someone, you connect well at first, you think everything will work out well. A few weeks or months go by and sex is entered into the relationship. So far, so good, but for what ever reason, the relationship ends. Now what?

Most of the time, there is a period of distancing and you do not talk to or see the person you were in a relationship with. Then later on, you re-connect. You both know that having a romantic relationship is out of the question, let’s face it, it didn’t work last time, but can you be friends?

It seems like for women, making the lover to friend transition is rater easy. From a male perspective, if sex is ever an option, they will take it. Spending more time together, talking on the phone, going to the movies, etc may cause some feelings to resurface. 

So, I ask the question, can lovers really become only friends (no sex or sexual attraction temptation). The reason for this question in my case is that I had a person who I had a romantic relationship with and I miss our friendship BUT I know that she wants a relationship which I do not want. So, if we tried to spend time together and just be friends the line of friendship may get blurred with memories of the good romance and sexual attraction. If I was to keep this friendship, it may cause uneasy sexual tension. I know that I am not the only one with this type of situation. Is it possible to be just friends after you were lovers? Trey songs says “There is no way that we can be friends!”